Falling Apart
by harsens-rob
Summary: Spanderverse story 13: Thanksgiving at the Summers' brings heartache. Buffy and Riley face a break up as does Xander and Anya. Rating is for language.
1. Thanks for the Giving

Disclaimer: Legal stuff, don't own characters, haven't made any money, this is for entertainment purposes, no profit earned, lawyers go away. –_kisses-_

**You can comment on this or any Spanderverse stories by visiting the Spanderverse forum under the Buffy topic! You can also read my commentary on 'To Dream', 'After 314', 'Spike', and 'Dracula'. Emails are welcome as is R & R (_please_ – _feed my muse_).**

POV: Shifts Perspective

Spoiler Alert: There are tidbits from past episodes and Spanderverse: stories.

Notes: Story number fourteen in the Spanderverse-universe, following "_The Family We Choose_". Everything from the television series through the defeat of Adam also occurred as depicted, in the Spanderverse.

People's thoughts are depicted in _italics_. You'll find emphasis depicted with an underline.

More Notes: BIG thanks to Joss, the ME creative team and the crew of one of the best shows on television. WE MISS YOU!

Thanks to the authors of Fanfiction, wherever you may post. It's probable that I've read at least one of your stories somewhere. I apologize for recycling concepts inadvertently from the plentitude of stories I've read.

Thanksgiving (November for our non-American audience). Two weeks after 'The Family We Choose' and Tara's birthday party at The Bronze.

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**Falling Apart**

Ch 1 – Thanks For the Giving

**Buffy and Dawn smiled at each other, getting along for a change as they each rolled out a fresh pie crust. Behind them, buzzing around the oven stood Joyce wearing an apron. She was currently basting the turkey she'd bought and fretting. The girls had no doubt everything would be great, but Joyce was under especial strain.**

"**I don't know why you're worried, mom. It's just a guy," Dawn smirked.**

"**I just want this meal to go without any hitches. And this stupid oven has chosen now of all times to start acting wonky. I just know it's a Hellmouth, thing!"**

"**Would you like me to slay it," Buffy asked sharing another smirk with Dawn.**

**Joyce had caught on to the playful tone in her daughter's voices however and simply scowled. "You girls had better be on your best behavior. It's not everyday that I get to have male company and Brian has been so nice."**

"**Relax, mom," Dawn said, "I think Brian's a pretty cool guy. Way better than Ted the robot and Dracula the killer vampire."**

"**Oh, you are just an awful daughter," Joyce said warmly with a smile. "I just hope this turkey gets done in time. The last thing I need is to give Brian a case of food poisoning."**

"**Everything is going to be great," Buffy added with a kiss to her mother's cheek. She returned to kneading dough with a light sigh when Joyce pointed her back to the counter.**

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**In a small market, Xander and Anya were perusing the shelves. They both wore looks that said clearly they had no idea what they were looking for.**

"**What about a couple of bottles of wine," Xander offered.**

"**Good idea. What kind? Do you have your fake I.D. on you?"**

"**Could we not say that out loud? And yes."**

"**Well, how about some white then? I mean that seems like a good turkey type wine, doesn't it?"**

**As they headed over to the wine racks, Xander thought briefly of his mother. With her being in Utah, he wasn't going to see her until Christmas. Not that their holiday dinners had ever been very different from their usual sullen, drunken affairs anyway. At least, according to her, she'd gotten her life together following his father's death. He was afraid to see her in person; afraid that he'd find the same half-boozy woman stumbling around. He wanted desperately to believe that his aunt Margo and her family really were helping her.**

**Since this was the case, and since Anya's family had been dead for over 1100 years, Joyce had graciously invited them to her dinner party. Not wanting to come empty handed, he'd asked Joyce…repeatedly…to allow them to bring something, but she kept replying that they only needed to bring themselves. It made him feel like a moocher, though, hence their eleventh hour dash to the convenience store.**

"**This one has a pretty label," Anya said turning the bottle over in her hands.**

"**Yes, but that one is also fifty bucks a bottle. Think a little more thrifty."**

"**Well, we can't just show up with rot gut. I mean, I know that much at least. You'd think with over 1120 years, I'd know a thing or two about wine, but really Xander, I'm clueless here."**

"**I'm sure that wine appreciation didn't come in handy in the Vengeance game. We'll find something," Xander added with a frown. He wished he hadn't thought about Anya's past because that led him to think of what she was probably capable of and that led to thoughts of breaking her heart and other scarier thoughts of Spike. He sighed to himself and wished again that he'd never been zapped by Toth.**

"**Oh!" Xander's reverie was cut short as Anya literally bounced on her toes, holding two bottles of the same wine, one in each hand. "I've read about this one!"**

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**In a first floor dorm room at the U.C. Sunnydale campus, Tara was rummaging through her closet and sighing dejectedly at everything she saw. On the bed, Willow sat with their jewelry boxes opened.**

"**Why does all of my stuff look so frumpy," Tara exclaimed. "I mean, I know how to dress nicely, but nothing here looks like 'dinner party' wear!"**

"**Relax, honey. You always look fine," Willow said as she tried to decide on earrings.**

"**I look fine for Scooby meetings and sitting in class. This is really important to me, Wills. I want to look really nice for Joyce's gathering. I mean, I don't want her to think she's invited a bum to dinner, tonight."**

"**Why such a big deal? We've been to Joyce's house before, you know. This is just dinner with the gang."**

"**No, it's dinner with Joyce and her new…uh…are they boyfriend and girlfriend yet? Are they even called 'boyfriend' at their age? I just don't want to embarrass her when she's trying to impress Brian."**

**Willow gave her a warm laugh. "I'm not sure of the terminology, but right now I think their still just dating. I mean, you'd think they'd hurry things along being….uh, well, not 'old', but um…more advanced in age. Anyway, I always liked that tan skirt with the gold top."**

"**I guess. I just wish I had something new to wear. Oh! Pull out Dawnie's birthday gift, will you? I want her to see me wearing her silver chain at dinner. It's so nice I'd wear it all the time if I wasn't so afraid of it getting damaged during a vampire staking."**

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**_Spike walked through the mausoleum feeling isolated; his every footstep echoed hauntingly as he approached the heavy iron door. Reaching it, he placed the palm of his hand on the cool steel door only to jerk it away as the door was incredibly hot. He frowned at it, worried, but he couldn't fathom why. Steeling his nerve, he yanked the door open and let the sunlight bathe him in its burning rays. Squinting into the too-bright light, he saw William Schellden; failed poet standing before him, stake raised. Spike screamed as the wood bit deeply into his chest. Stumbling backward, he tripped over his feet and fell, being saved from hitting the floor by a pair of strong arms catching hold of him. Slowly, so slowly, he was gently laid back into the embrace of someone warm- not the burning, scarring warmth of the sun, but human warmth. Looking up, he found Xander's mischievous gaze on him. "I'm hurt, Xan. The stake?" Xander shushed him gently, telling him it would be alright. Xander had him now and he'd take care of him. He leaned forward toward Spike, his lips pursed to kiss him when the vampire sprang his fangs out. Feeling horrified by what he was doing, but unable to control himself, he leapt up from the comforting lap enfolding him and sank his teeth deep into his comforter. Blood rushed in a torrent down his greedy throat and Spike let loose a keening wail of despair. _**

**Spike awoke with a start, confused for a moment as to where he was. One hand searched his exposed chest for signs of injury, while his eyes darted around the chamber searching for his attacker. Assuring himself that all was as it should be, he noted Harmony's presence next to him. She hadn't been there this morning when he'd gotten tired of waiting for her and decided to sleep. Apparently, she must have used the tunnels to return 'home' from wherever she'd been. **

**He let his eyes wander the candlelit chamber once more to ensure that there was no intruder before he laid his head back onto the thick pillow. As he attempted to get comfortable his eyes swept over Harmony's head to the picture sitting on a pile of crates in the approximation of a nightstand. In the photo, Buffy and Joyce grinned at each other. On one knee in front of them, was Dawn posed looking up and behind her shoulder at them. She wore a laughing expression. Spike sighed.**

**Near his side of the queen sized bed, a true nightstand stood. On it, another stolen photo caught his attention. Xander stood looking of into the distance, a dreamy half smile on his handsome features. He appeared to be daydreaming about something and Spike, as he often did, wondered what was going through his friend's mind at that moment.**

**He stretched his muscles under the thin blanket and tried to get himself settled to return to sleep. He couldn't remember what had disturbed his rest, but he knew he'd been having dreams lately. Harmony had complained that he'd awoken her before with a plaintive cry or a snarl. Being careful not to touch the undead woman sharing his bed, he curled into a ball on his side facing away from her and thought back to Tara's party.**

**She'd been thankful to him for revealing the deception that her family had played on her. It wasn't exactly unexpected; Tara was a sweet and kind woman. He'd always thought so. But she had taken him off guard when she'd shared with him a slow dance at the Bronze. **

**It was nice. And then she had kissed him briefly and asked him if it was time he'd stopped pushing them away, and that was what really had him perturbed. **

**Somehow, through all of his machismo and snarking she'd recognized what he had tried to hide. Hell, what he'd tried to deny to himself. That he thought of them – all of them - as a family of sorts. He cared.**

**His mind drifted to drunken Xander jokingly telling him that he'd dance with him. His gaze took in the picture of Xander again and he remembered telling the guy that if they'd been in a different kind of bar, he'd take him up on it. He didn't know why he'd said that.**

**Later that night, he'd convinced himself that he was trying to yank Xan's chain. Make him uncomfortable and embarrassed for a laugh, though he hadn't taken the bait. Instead, he'd just invited Spike to watch the horrible movies he seemed to favor and Spike had accepted. And that was nice, too.**

**Spike drifted back toward sleep with Xander's eyes on his mind.**

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End Chapter 01


	2. Shock

**Falling Apart**

Ch 2 – Shock

**As dinner was wrapping up, Joyce began clearing the dishes away for pie. Brian Dunleavy assisted her and sharing smiles with Buffy and Dawn, headed toward the kitchen. They'd both wondered why he'd be hanging around their house on the holiday, but neither had been rude enough to ask. Fortunately, Brian was a talker and in no time they'd discovered that his family was in Ireland, where naturally, Thanksgiving wasn't a big social event. For this reason, when he'd been invited to spend the holiday with Joyce, he'd jumped at the chance. As he'd explained it, he'd had to work up the nerve to ask her out officially for nearly three months. **

**Thanks to Willow's searching and hacking, they'd already determined that he wasn't a demon in disguise nor were there any red flags indicating he was anything more or less than what he appeared: An antiques dealer who'd found their mother to be a delightful woman and wanted to get to know her far better. Buffy and Dawn were whole heartedly supportive.**

**Despite the fact he was about seven years her junior, he had a quiet authority and green eyes that were easy to read. His dark black hair was maintained in a conservative cut and Buffy had noticed his nails seemed to be kept manicured. Truth of it was, she was a little jealous- she could never keep her nails done with all of the slaying. Brian's quiet demeanor and obvious respect for their mother's intelligence went a long way in gaining her daughters' support.**

**As they returned with the pie and a bottle of port, Joyce mentioned her regret that Giles wasn't in the country to join them. He was still in England, trying to wrestle information from Travers and the Council. As far as Brian was concerned, he was just visiting family in England. Buffy tried not to worry. After all, there wasn't any real reason that the Council would try to detain Giles. And more to the point, her mystery woman hadn't been skulking around them, so she'd felt certain that Dawn's secret remained safe. But then again, Quinton had always struck her as petty and vindictive. She'd just feel better when Giles was really home, back in Sunnydale.**

**As Anya began to regale the gathered about her made up family Thanksgivings in Indiana, Buffy excused herself to try to call Riley. She was worried about him, too. He was supposed to have been to dinner tonight, but never showed and hadn't called her yet. Not that that part was a surprise; they seemed to be doing a lot of not communicating lately.**

**She waited on the line, listening to the endless ring on the other end. Xander soon joined her, giving her a small smile. He could see the worry lines around her eyes. **

**As soon as the machine picked up, Buffy disconnected without leaving a reply. "I wish Riley still had his cell phone. I mean, I know I shouldn't be, but I'm worried. He was supposed to be here tonight."**

"**I'm sure he's fine," Xander said. He wasn't really sure of any such thing, of course. Riley thought that Buffy didn't love him the way he loved her and lately they seemed to be drifting apart. Worse, Riley had looked to him the last time he'd seen him like he wasn't getting much sleep. He'd wanted to mention it to Buffy more than once, but it always seemed like butting in where he didn't have any business. If Riley really needed Buffy to know how he was feeling, it seemed that he should be the one to sit down and tell her. And Xander knew why he'd felt the way he did; he'd seen Buffy before when she was 'all-Slayer gal'. It was easy to feel ignored when she was in that sort of emotional place.**

"**Besides, he is a soldier. He can handle himself," Xander continued. "And isn't that Graham guy still hanging around on the base for some reason? Maybe he decided to have a meal on the base with the grunts, for old time's sake."**

"**Maybe," Buffy sounded doubtful. "But he could at least have the decency to call."**

**Further discussion was interrupted by a knock on the front door. As Buffy went to answer it, meeting Joyce in the foyer, Xander returned to the table. Anya was still going on at length about her family who never existed and the turkeys they'd supposedly raised from hatchlings. If he didn't know any better, he might actually have believed her. He wondered where in her head she came up with these things. Brian was grinning and the two of them laughing. Apparently he'd raised piglets in the 'Old Country' and could relate to Anya's tale of getting attached to the animals when slaughter time came. There was something surreal about the whole scene. Catching Willow's eyes, he saw the same wonder at Anya's storytelling skills reflected in her own expression.**

**From the foyer, Xander heard Spike's voice and an involuntary smile came to his face. He wondered if Buffy would lift the 'no entry for Spike' ban on her home. He couldn't really blame her if she didn't. Just because Xander had gotten around to forgiving, a little, Spike's recent plans to get de-chipped; it didn't mean she had to.**

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**She answered the knocking at the door, only to have her face fall in disappointment. Buffy had naturally thought it would be Riley, but this being her life, she should have known it would be Spike…again.**

"**What the hell are you doing here?"**

"**Buffy…" Joyce said from behind her. "Hello, William. Happy Thanksgiving to you. Although, being British, I guess today doesn't mean so much."**

"**Joyce," Spike nodded. "You look lovely this evening."**

**As Joyce preened under the compliment, Buffy just huffed and rolled her eyes. She felt her mother's hand give a light squeeze of her shoulder and was met with a 'Buffy, it's the Holiday. Behave' look. She hadn't seen it since she was hitting puberty, but it was still clear as day.**

**Buffy gave a small smile to her mother and stepped outside onto the porch. Closing the front door in, she hoped, a casual manner she turned her attention back to the vampire. The small smile for her mother immediately disappeared into an icy glare.**

"**I asked why you're here."**

"**Nothing urgent. No Hellmouth business or anything. I was just walking by and noticed there seemed to be a lot of activity at the homestead, is all." **

**Spike looked at the dining room window and through the sheer drapery he could see Tara laughing at some bloke he didn't recognize. "So, uh, looks like some sort of dinner going on then?"**

"**It's Thanksgiving, Spike. People…American people…tend to have dinner with others today. Turkey, potatoes, pie, wine, salad…no blood."**

**Spike shot a hard look at her. But she acted as if she couldn't have possibly insulted him. "I am familiar with human food, thank you. Sounds like everyone is having a good time?"**

**Buffy recognized the hint, but chose to ignore it. If Spike thought he was going to wrangle an impromptu invitation by showing up on her doorstep, he had another think coming. Of course, if he wanted to earn it…**

"**Yeah, everyone is having a pretty good time," she smiled. "And if you want an invite in, I'd be willing under one condition…"**

**Spike pursed his lips into a thin line, but damn it, he was feeling lonely and wanted to spend time with the gang. "And that would be?"**

"**Find Riley. Deliver a message for me that he was supposed to have come to dinner and I'm missing him. If he shows up, you get to come in."**

"**Hmm. I thought the Great Olive Drab would have been here."**

"**Me too," Buffy said frowning.**

**As something passed over the vampire's features he broke out in a smile that made Buffy uneasy. It felt like an evil smirk to her, but it was gone before she could be sure.**

"**I think I may just know where your soldier-boy has got to," Spike said. "Grab your coat, Slayer. I think there's something you need to see."**

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**As Buffy followed Spike toward Riley's neighborhood, she grew more and more uneasy. She was trying to figure out why he'd be leading her to wherever he thought Riley was. Why not just tell her? Why not just go fetch him, especially since it was obvious he wanted to be invited in to see the gang? The whole situation felt wrong, but she couldn't determine why. She considered this was some sort of trap, but it just didn't fit with the circumstances. Besides, Spike had been pretty much behaving himself except for wanting the chip removed. She didn't think he could lead her into a death match right after having conversed with her mom. Something didn't fit, so she simply kept walking and glancing suspiciously at him.**

**Just as she was about to put her foot down and demand to know what he was up to, Spike stopped outside of a derelict apartment complex. It was only four stories and Buffy had probably passed it dozens of times. Something about it was different this time though because her Slayer instincts were detecting vampires. Lots of them, too, by the feel of it.**

**She shared a glance with Spike, "Vampire central?"**

"**Feel 'em, huh? Well, let's not go all stake-happy, alright? I can guarantee no one's in there that doesn't want to be."**

"**I don't get it, Spike. And why would Riley be here?"**

"**Just follow me in. And stay calm, no need for violence, alright?" Spike waved her forward as he mounted the steps to the rickety door.**

**The first thing to hit Buffy's senses on crossing the door's threshold was the smell. It was musty and mildewy and she could swear that rot was actually crawling up from the floor and sticking to her skin. She shivered in revulsion. After this initial impact, sounds began to make themselves known to her. Sighing and slurping with a few groans and whispered encouragements. She felt her face grow hot and red with embarrassment and was already planning a skinny, boney ass kicking for bringing her to a place where sex was obviously going on. Very soon afterward, however, she got a different impression. For although there were some couples that were definitely getting groiny with each other, most seemed to be passively allowing vampires to feed from them.**

**Buffy was appalled. "What the hell," she whispered indignantly in Spike's general direction. "What is this place, Spike, and why am I here?"**

"**Just follow me a little bit further," he said back to her and his voice was also whispered.**

**Around her in the deep recesses of the room they were passing through, back where the weak kerosene lantern light didn't reach she heard worried whispers. "The Slayer!" "She'll kill us all!" "We should get out!"**

**She tried to ignore the vampire hoard around her as she continued to follow Spike toward a flight of stairs. So shocked by what she was witnessing, and so many questions did she have, that she'd completely forgotten that Spike was supposed to be leading her to Riley.**

**And that's why the blow, when it came was such a kick to the stomach. Spike took a deep breath in the hallway, scenting for something and when he pointed to a door and stepped aside, Buffy quizzically turned the knob.**

**On pushing the door opened on its squeaky hinges a sight so shocking and brutal met her that she couldn't stop her yell of surprise: "Oh, Jesus!"**

**There on the floor amid strewn pillows was Riley Finn, looking at her in shock and shame. His shirt was off and he lay with his legs splayed, though thankfully, his pants were still on. To one side lay Harmony, blood trickling down her chin. She also looked shocked but in place of shame was just abject terror.**

**On the other side of Riley, a girl Buffy vaguely recognized from high school was also looking at her. Her fanged mouth was open in an 'O' of surprise and her teeth were smeared with red.**

**As Buffy took in the details of what was playing out in front of her, she noted Riley's chest had blood trickling down over his nipples from the bite marks above his chest muscles. Her eyes again met Riley's and as she saw him about to speak, she couldn't take it. She couldn't stand to hear his voice, to hear excuses; she didn't even want to know him.**

**Pushing Spike roughly out of her way she made a mad dash down the hallway and took the steps down four at a time. Landing roughly on the first floor, she barreled through a few vampires and customers trying to make their exit and out into the cool night air. She was halfway down the block when she collapsed at the waist, her dinner violently flying out of her retching mouth and splashing onto the street.**

**Behind her, she heard Spike call her name, so she began running again. Pushing her Slayer muscles for more speed she made a frantic dash toward home and sanity. Eyes burning and stomach feeling like it was going to heave again at any moment, she half ran and half stumbled through winding streets with no thought on her mind except to get home. She just wanted to see her mom, to forget what she'd witnessed.**

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**On the second floor of the whorehouse, Riley's world imploded as Buffy's shocked and disgusted expression dominated his view. He wasn't even able to say anything as he watched her turn and run out.**

"**Oh, God. Oh, God, no…" Riley muttered as he struggled to his feet and tried to follow. Ahead of him, Spike was moving at double time and calling for Buffy to wait for him. He wanted to hate the vampire for bringing her here, but he knew already that the only one at fault was himself.**

**Behind him, Harmony was laughing hysterically. He heard Sandy tell her to shut her ignorant, hateful mouth and then he was on the stairs. Sandy called out his name in the hallway behind him, but he ignored her as he struggled to get outside and stop Buffy from retreating from him.**

**Ahead of him the vampiric bouncer, Lestat or Lestad, or something vaguely French with an 'L' was standing with his muscular arms crossed over and a scowl clearly showing through his ridged and fanged features. As Riley tried to maneuver around him, he felt himself shoved off balance and bounced off of a wall.**

"**You! You brought the fucking Slayer here?!"**

"**No! I…I don't have time for this; get out of the way," Riley exclaimed as he was again prevented from getting to the front door.**

"**I don't think so," the vampire menaced. "You're looking a little peaked. Doesn't look like it'll take too much to finish you off." The menacing laugh was abruptly cut off as Riley's palm viciously upper-cutted the vamp under his chin, driving his head up. Before he could recover, Riley had wrapped both arms around his head and gave a hard snap. The bouncer flopped to the floor, alive but completely paralyzed.**

**Seeing the sudden violence, the human customers began shoving and panicking to get away from the place. Vampires were caught between getting the hell out of dodge and taking advantage of the sudden chaos to completely drain the humans that had only been looking for a little excitement. Riley ignored the commotion around him and made his way out of the building, yelling for Buffy. **

**Halfway down the block he saw her bent form straighten up and take off at a mad dash. Spike's voice echoed out her name and caught Riley's momentary attention. Standing near the steps he'd just raced down to the street, Spike stood silently smirking. Riley gave him a harsh glance, but ignored him to take off at a run after his girl.**

"**Now, that was worth the wait," Spike grinned.**

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**Riley caught up with Buffy, huffing and puffing, as she reached the front steps of her mother's house. As he leaped up the steps and grabbed her arm, he begged her to just stop and listen to him explain why he'd done something so stupid.**

**Her answer was to spin around on her heel, her fist flying. It caught him across the jaw and he felt himself propelled out into the air. The wind was knocked out of him as he impacted on the cement walkway. Struggling to a half-sitting position, he was just in time to see her slam the front door.**

**He lay on the ground for a few moments and then dragged himself up. Rubbing the lump that was already forming along his jaw-line, he decided to head home. It was obvious that he wasn't going to be able to talk to her tonight, hell, maybe not ever again. And he had that coming. How could he have allowed things to get so far!**

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End Chapter 02


	3. Pain of Knowing

**Falling Apart**

Ch 3 – Pain of Knowing

**Joyce rushed from the dining room on hearing the door slam to see her daughter nearly hyperventilating in tears. Buffy met her eyes briefly and shook her head in confusion.**

"**He…Riley…I…." She ran up the stairs leaving everyone in the dining room uncomfortable and confused. Joyce heard her bedroom door slam from upstairs and turned her attention to her guests.**

"**I'm sorry. I think she needs me. Everyone…thank you so much for coming, but I think we need to wrap things up. Brian…I apologize for cutting the evening short."**

"**No, no, of course," Brian said as he touched her hand on his way to the coat rack. "I understand completely. Obviously something has happened. Can I call you tomorrow?"**

"**I'd really like that," she smiled.**

**Joyce continued to herd everyone into their coats and to the door while asking Dawn to clean up. Xander chose to stay, mentioning that if it was about Riley maybe there was something that he could do. In the meantime, he'd help Dawn do up the dishes and put the leftovers away. Although the rest of the gang wanted to stay as well, Joyce didn't want Buffy to feel crowded until she could find out what had upset her so.**

**By the time that everyone was dressed and leaving and Joyce accepted a kiss to her cheek from Brian, Riley was already gone from out front. He'd headed back to his apartment feeling completely bereft and utterly lost. As he made his way past the storefronts and the questioning gazes of people on the street, he caught glimpses of his reflection and realized he was crying.**

**Joyce had no sooner started to climb the stairs when another knock at the front door distracted her. She was surprised to find William standing there with a mild grin on his face. Something about it disturbed her; call it mother's instinct, but her first thought was that it was connected to whatever had happened with Buffy and Riley after she'd left the house.**

"**Joyce. I want to talk to Buffy about what happened."**

"**Buffy is more upset than I've seen her in a long time, William. I want to know what you know about that."**

**Xander and Dawn had stopped in the dining room to listen in on the conversation. Though they couldn't see the vampire from where they stood, the pleasure in his voice was unmistakable. Dawn shared a look of worry with him and they tried to decipher Spike's reply.**

"**Seems ol' Riley has been playing on the Dark Side behind his girl's back," Spike said. Xander and Dawn both had strong mental images of the smirk that must have been on his face. A moment later Joyce confirmed it when she switched to a voice that Xander had never heard her use. It was cold and hard; completely at odds with his image of her as a source of comfort and understanding.**

"**If you don't wipe that smirk off of your face, Spike, I'm going to go into the living room and grab one of Buffy's axes. And if I do that, you better believe I'm going to use it."**

**Spike stood at the door, mouth hanging open in shock. Joyce glared hard at him for several heartbeats and then slammed the door in his face. As she turned toward the stairway again, she met Dawn's pale face and Xander's disturbed one.**

"**I need to go check on Buffy. Dawn, please get to those dishes."**

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**Xander placed a comforting hand on Dawn's shoulder and steered her back toward the kitchen. "Listen squirt, I know I said I'd help you…"**

"…**go Xander," she interrupted. "Whatever is going on, Riley will talk to you."**

"**Thanks," he said, giving her a quick hug.**

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**Joyce knocked softly on Buffy's door and then opened it. She found her lying on the bed, curled into a ball. She wasn't crying, but clearly she would be again very soon.**

**She crossed the threshold and closed the door softly behind her. When she turned back she approached the bed slowly and sat down. Not saying anything, she waited until Buffy sat up and threw her arms around her shoulders.**

**As Buffy collapsed against her in heart breaking sobs, Joyce held her quietly and waited for the storm to pass.**

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"**Spike!" Xander shouted across the Summers' front lawn as the vampire was marching away puffing on the always present cigarette.**

"**Hey, Xan. Guess I caused another mess, huh?"**

"**What happened tonight? You didn't do anything to Riley did you," Xander's voice shook with fear, remembering how deeply Spike's loathing of Buffy's boyfriend went.**

"**No. I'm still chipped, remember? No, I just found out something about the bloody paper soldier and thought Buffy should know. Of course, I get kicked again for trying to do the bloody right thing!"**

"**Just tell me what this is all about. Buffy's upstairs hardly able to talk."**

"**Your friend has been cheatin' on our girl," Spike said simply. "Been up visiting blood whores; getting sucked off by vamps. Or more particularly, a specific vampire girl."**

"**What!?" **

**Xander could have been knocked over with a feather. He tried to reconcile Riley's view of vampires with his being a…what…a john? His mind pulled up a recent image and he remembered how awful Riley had been looking lately. His pallor suddenly made sense and Xan's stomach twisted into a knot.**

"**Why? Spike, why would he…I mean, I believe you. But at the same time, I just can't believe it!"**

"**All's true. The poor Slayer was in the same state when we caught the wanker red chested."**

**Spike clarified to Xander's confused expression that Riley had been getting bit on the chest as his chosen place. "Probably to hide the bite marks. Who knows how long he's been up to this?"**

"**Jesus. I gotta find him." Xander took off toward Riley's neighborhood leaving Spike rolling his eyes.**

"**Hey," he called to the retreating figure, "I'm the one that's been threatened with an axing here! And just for being the messenger!"**

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**Riley opened his apartment door to find Xander standing there and he stepped aside to allow him in. He offered him a beer, but Xan just looked at him. He knew he looked like shit.**

**Before he could think of what to say, Xander's arms were around him and Riley was leaning into him, resting his head on the shorter man's shoulders and shaking with silent sobs. He felt stupid…very un-soldier-like, but he was in so much pain, he felt like the choice may be this or his gun.**

"**Riley, man…what have you done?"**

"**I've fucked everything up."**

"**Yeah. Listen, why don't we sit down? It's obvious you've been going through some stuff and hiding it from us."**

"**What was the first clue," Riley said harshly as he led the way to the sofa. After sitting down, he bowed his head into his large hands. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I've been doing. How did I get here?" He looked at Xander plaintively, seeking answers that only he could provide to himself.**

"**When did you start with this 'bite me' thing, Riley? I mean, I'm trying not to judge here, but Jesus Christ, man."**

"**I just…I wanted to know. Angel has such a hold over her, and I know he was her first love and there was all that trauma, but it's like she's still with him. Just waiting. And then she allows Dracula to fang her. Her not letting me dust Spike was just the last straw, Xan. I need to know what it is about them; all of them, that can get to her in ways I can't reach."**

"**Angel is a special case and I don't want to get into that with you. You should've been hashing that out with her. But, Dracula? That's unfair, Riles. You know he had those mind powers."**

"**And, Spike?" **

**Riley looked into Xander's eyes. "Even you're falling for him. How long will it be before he gets to her? Hell, they might have already slept together for all I know. Her and vampires…" Riley shrugged helplessly.**

"**Buffy doesn't have any feeling for Spike! I've seen her demean and beat him enough to know that. She does love you, Riley. I know she can be distant…it's just a Slayer-defense mechanism or something. But going and getting yourself bitten…on purpose?"**

"**Don't take this the wrong way, Xander. But I've seen you get a far away look in your eyes and rub that spot on your neck where Dracula bit into you. Whatever we want to say about it, there's something there. Something profound in…giving yourself."**

"**I didn't 'give myself'. Dracula attacked me. He broke my face against a brick wall and then he sank his fangs into me." Xander took a deep breath, caught up with the memories that talking about this brought back with far too much clarity.**

"**He was killing me! I could feel my life draining out of me and I couldn't do a damned thing to break free. I was helpless and I knew I was gonna die and no one was gonna be able to save me this time. I pissed myself and felt my bowels let go down the back of my legs. At no time was there anything 'profound'! There was just me being murdered." **

**Xander was panting heavily, tears glazing his eyes. "And then he tried to murder Tara and killed my father. What part of any of that got you to thinking it was some big romantic notion?!"**

"**I don't know," Riley said in a small and humiliated voice. "I just know that the vampires in her life have a powerful pull on Buffy. I wanted to know why. And once I'd found out that Sandy could help me; that she wouldn't hurt me, it was my chance to investigate it. But then, it was like…like I was caught in a riptide and I just kept going back. She needed me. When Buffy was pushing me away and not talking to me or leaning on me or letting me in, Sandy needed me. And that was something I was desperate to have."**

"**And now you've made a royal mess," Xander said, laying a hand on Riley's in friendship.**

"**Yeah, now I've made a huge mess. And as much as I want to blame Spike for bringing her there to see me, in a way, I think he might have saved my life. I don't know how far I'd have gone…if I could have stopped myself before it turned ugly and deadly. It was easy to forget that Sandy is a predator at heart; I just wanted to see her as a girl. A friend."**

**Xander sighed as he stood up. "Promise me you're not going to do anything more stupid tonight, Riley. Just go to bed and get some zzz's. I'll call you tomorrow after I've talked to Buffy. We'll find a way to work this out."**

"**Okay. And Xan? You're a good friend. But I worry about you, about this thing with Spike. Remember, at heart, he's a predator, too. Having a muzzle doesn't make him any less dangerous."**

"**Let's deal with one of our messed up heads at a time. Right now, I'm thinking you need to go first." With this and a squeeze of Riley's shoulder, Xander headed back toward home. He needed to sit down with a beer and think things through. In truth, despite what he said to Riley, he knew Buffy well. There was no way this was going to be 'talked through' as easily as he tried to make it sound.**

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**Back in the crypt Spike called home he was pacing furiously in front of a worried Harmony. Not worried over Spike, only the Slayer. She'd already kidnapped Dawnie, now Buffy also knew she'd pulled a suck job off Riley. She was really in deep doo-doo and Spike, of course, was trying to make everything about him!**

"**What the hell were you playing at Harmony? You were supposed to be spying on the git, not giving him head! Instead of coming to grab me next time he was with Sandy, like we agreed, you instead join them? What, you've become a big whore?"**

"**Why would I grab you Spike? So you can impress Buffy – the bitch that's trying to kill me?! All you do is treat me like garbage! Riley was nice to me. He treated me like a real girl. And for your information, I didn't give him head. That's disgusting! He is human, you know. I just nibbled on his chest for him. And, for your further information, I'm not a whore! He didn't pay, so there!"**

"**The least you coulda done was kill the wanker!"**

"**Spike! It's not all about you! And besides, not killing people? It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be; in fact, in can be a bit of a turn-on."**

"**Riley 'Cardboard Git' Finn turns you on? Now I've heard everything! Get out, Harmony! Get out and never come back!"**

"**Fine! I'm going, but I'll be back for my stuff and it better not get wrecked or I'll sue!"**

**Harmony went slamming out of the crypt, unsure of where she was going to go. She had a few tears in her eyes, and yet she couldn't deny that walking out on Spike gave her a feeling of liberation. Like maybe she could be an independent woman, at last.**

**Spike was left grousing to himself. Buffy was too upset to see that things were turning out for the best. Xander was more interested in rushing to Riley's side instead of sympathizing with him. Joyce threatened him and slammed the door in his face. And now Harmony wasn't going to be around for him to release his tensions, anymore. For being one of the greatest nights of his life, this was really turning out to be shit!**

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**Riley answered the door again, this time dressed in an opened robe and a pair of boxers. His chest stung and itched from that night's activities and brought home again and again with each throb just how thoroughly he'd destroyed his chances with Buffy.**

**In the doorway, his eyebrow arched high in the air at the marks on Riley's chest stood Graham. He didn't await an invitation, but breezed past Riley and deeper into the apartment.**

"**So? You look like hell. Am I guessing correctly what those bite marks mean? 'Cause they don't look exactly human, unless Buffy is way more kinky than I thought."**

"**They're not Buffy's love bites."**

"**You're pale, Riley. What the hell have you been doing?"**

"**Why are you here, Graham," Riley said with impatience. He'd already had to go through this with Xander. He didn't feel up to a repeat now with anyone else.**

"**I'm getting ready to ship out. Tomorrow at midnight."**

"**Oh," Riley said. "I'm gonna miss you being around."**

"**Then come with me."**

"**What? I can't leave. Especially not now, not with Buffy having found out…" he just pointed to his chest and let things speak for themselves. "I need to fix this. Besides, I quit, remember?"**

"**I know. But I also told you back in the hospital that you're not happy here. I think you've proved the point. You don't want to explain why you've got vampire marks on your chest, fine, but let's not pretend that's a normal or healthy kink."**

"**Graham…"**

"**Riley; I love you, man. I mean that strictly as a friend. No, maybe I mean that as more, as family. You and Forrest meant more to me than anyone else in my life and he's dead. I don't want to see your grave the next time I pass through. You don't need to tell me all of the details that have led you here, but you're living in a two-bit apartment and you've obviously been in trouble. I mentioned to Colonel Ellis that you might be interested in joining the Meta-Black Ops Troops on an assignment. He's offering you a one year tour of duty, just to see if you find it worthwhile. Think about it, Riley."**

**Graham headed back toward the door to let himself out. He turned to see Riley regarding him thoughtfully. "Deadline is tomorrow when the chopper takes off. Come with us to Belize. Be someone who's making a difference, again."**

**After he locked the apartment door behind Graham, Riley returned to the bedroom. Passing through into the small bathroom, he looked at himself in the mirror. He didn't like what he saw. This wasn't the reflection of the man he'd known. Gripping the vanity tightly with one hand, he used the other to turn on the cold water and splash his face. He stared at his haunted eyes being reflected back at him and thought about who he used to be.**

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End Chapter 03


	4. Rage

**Falling Apart**

Ch 4 – Rage

**It was the following day and Buffy hadn't slept all night. In her mind she'd gotten up and killed everything without a pulse in the Sunnydale area, but in actuality she'd just laid there hurt and alone. Joyce had tried to help, and she had at least a little, but Buffy couldn't bring herself to reveal the details of what she'd seen. She could only intimate that she'd caught Riley with a vampire and he'd betrayed her. She wasn't sure how much of the truth Joyce was getting or if she thought it was just sex, but it didn't matter. Just allowing herself to cry on her mother's shoulders had helped relieve some of the knot in her insides. But now was the time for action.**

**She barreled into the Magic Box, heedless of the customer that Anya was assisting and grabbed the woman by the arm. As Anya protested, Buffy pulled her into the little hallway leading back toward the little kitchenette and Giles' office.**

"**I need information, Anya. I'd ask Giles if he was here, but I can't wait."**

"**Is this about last night?"**

"**What do you know about vampire whorehouses? I mean, places where people actually allow themselves to get bit?"**

"**Oh, um, well, I've heard of them of course. I mean, I've never visited one."**

"**Well, there's one in Sunnydale and I plan on destroying it."**

"**Really? Wow, I'm surprised. These things usually open in larger cities like New York or L.A. Places where money can be found. How did you…oh! Oh. Oh, Buffy I'm sorry. Was Riley…?"**

"**I can't talk about it. Where would the vampires be? Do they usually nest at these places or do they have lairs somewhere else?"**

"**Uh, I don't know. I suppose it would just depend on circumstances. But Buffy, if there is a brothel in town, they probably aren't hurting anyone. I mean, not killing; it wouldn't make sense for them to turn up with dead customers."**

"**I don't care! They're vampires and I'm the Slayer." With this Buffy turned on her heel and marched to the front door, slamming it on her way out. **

**Anya bit her lower lip, but then the customer who'd been so rudely interrupted was trying to regain her attention. She gave one of her false, but pleasant smiles and returned to the business at hand.**

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**Buffy stood outside of the abandoned tenement trying to feel the sunlight. She felt like she had an iceberg somewhere deep in her guts, it's icy point jabbing and stabbing into her heart. The building was wore down, as she'd expected but where last night her Slayer's senses buzzed with vampires' presences; now it barely blipped.**

**She looked down at her left hand and the container she had a death grip on and then marched up the cracked and tired steps. Kicking the front door inward, she strolled across the threshold and let her eyes adjust to the dimness.**

**On the floor near the stairs leading to the second story was a vampire, its neck twisted in an awkward angle. It appeared deeply asleep. Actually, it appeared dead, but if it had been it would have more resembled the contents of an ashtray. **

**She placed the container down and then took the second story flight of stairs. From there she searched the entire second floor and proceeded to the others and repeated the action. When she was sure that no squatters were in the building, she headed to the basement to look for signs of a nest. Her senses already told her the vampires weren't here, but she had to make absolutely certain that no humans were either.**

**When she returned to the ground floor, she kicked the vampire laying there gently, rousing him to wakefulness. She was satisfied with the hungry, fearful look it gave her when recognizing the Slayer was standing over him.**

"**That looks painful," she said to him, her voice deadened.**

**At first the vampire only hissed in her direction and she could tell by the facial muscles it was struggling to move. Paralyzed it could only glare at her with hatred and terror.**

"**You'd probably heal given another day or so. Not that you'd look very good with your neck like that." Buffy hauled the container, a gas can, up and unscrewed the cap on it.**

**With fumes filling the area, the vampire looked at her and whimpered. Its eyes followed her every movement as she splashed gasoline around the first floor, taking special care to douse his still figure.**

"**I'm really sick of you guys coming to my town and disrupting my life," she said. Pulling out a packet of matches, she lit one and stared into the flame for a moment.**

**With the vampire struggling to form words from its damaged throat, she dropped the match and watched as it howled and then disintegrated into dust. As the flame spread quickly throughout the first floor, Buffy wandered casually out of the front door.**

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**Xander entered the Magic Box at close to noon and waited as Anya, smiling widely, wrapped a package for a waiting customer. When the talkative woman finally left, he greeted Anya and asked if she'd seen Buffy that day.**

"**As a matter of fact, she was in earlier."**

"**Did she seem okay? I haven't been able to get a hold of her," Xander worried. "I've been trying to call her cell from the site, but she won't pick up and there's no answer at her house."**

"**Maybe she just wants to be left alone. I mean, obviously she had a fight with Riley."**

"**It's worse than that," Xander said. When he'd gotten home the night before, Anya had been in the tub soaking in a hot bath and by the time she'd gotten out, he'd been too drunk to explain what he'd found out. Now he went through the details of what he'd found when he'd gone to Riley's apartment.**

"**No wonder she was so adamant about taking down the vampire whorehouse in town."**

"**Yeah, but what worries me is that I can't talk to her and find out what's going on in her head right now."**

"**Well, Buffy was fit to be tied. I suppose you really can't blame her. Men! Is it any wonder Vengeance demons get so much work?"**

"**Hey, don't look at me. The last thing I'd do is visit a prostitute. Especially, one who likes to bite people. Did she say what her plans were?"**

"**I told you. She was going to take the vampire whorehouse down."**

"**I wonder if she'll need backup. How many vampires would you find in a place like that do you think?"**

**Anya looked as if she was giving it serious consideration before she finally replied. "I'd guess at least a dozen, if not more. Depends on how much business they get for that sort of thing in a place this small. Of course, they do have the Hellmouth going for them. That must bring in demon clients, anyway."**

"**Then she'll definitely need backup!"**

"**I wouldn't worry, Xander. It's the middle of the day and there's no way that she'll find them anyway. Even if she goes back to the place, it's unlikely the vampires would still be there. Besides, like I tried to tell her, I'm sure they aren't a danger to anyone. Some people like living on the edge and if they were killing their customers, they'd run out of business in no time."**

"**Yeah, but…Buffy's in a really dark place right now. You wouldn't happen to know where this place would be?"**

"**No, but Xander, I don't understand the concern here."**

"**Buffy is super pissed off right now. You're telling me that a pissed off Slayer who's not answering her cell and knows where the vampire who was sucking on her boyfriend hangs out might not do anything…oh…rash?"**

"**Oh, dear. Let's go find her!" Anya grabbed the keys from the counter drawer and followed Xander out of the shop, locking it. From there she looked confused up and down the block.**

"**So, any idea where we're supposed to look," she asked him. She turned toward Xander to see him looking over the buildings in the distance.**

"**Um, I'm thinking we should start wherever that black smoke is coming from."**

"**Oh, dear."**

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**The door to Spike's crypt slammed open and he was instantly alert, lying down in the bed chamber below the mausoleum. Above his head he heard the commando yelling for him. He could tell by the slur that Riley was drunk.**

**Swaggering up the stairs dressed only in his jeans, he faced off against the human. Smirking at Riley's state, he noted the bottle of unopened whiskey in the lad's hand. The sway of the lummox had him wondering how many bottles he'd already been through that morning.**

"**Spike! Guess you're happy now, huh? Totally destroyed my relationship with Buffy!"**

"**You did that on your own, muscle-boy. I was just there to see it."**

"**And you made sure that Buffy saw it, too."**

"**The lady deserves better then you," Spike sneered. "Way better than someone whoring around behind her back."**

"**I wasn't! It wasn't about whoring…you don't know me! You don't know what we've been going through."**

"**Then let me guess. Super-honeys out of your league and you've finally cottoned onto the fact. You're feeling sorry for yourself and wondering why you can't measure up. And those vampire ladies, oh do they know how to talk; makes you feel needed. They make you feel like more of a man, something that's hard to come by when you're girlfriend could press bench you."**

**Riley only looked at Spike disgustedly. The vampire couldn't discern if he was thinking of doing a bit of dusting while he was there. His scent was all over the map and clouded by alcohol. Even as Spike was trying to gauge if Riley might get violent, the large man twisted off the whiskey bottle's cap and took two healthy swallows.**

**Gasping at the burning sensation, he held the bottle out to Spike. "Drink?"**

**After giving him a look of suspicion, Spike shrugged and grabbed the bottle. He took a few swallows, watching the entire time to see if Riley pulled out a stake. The younger man just stood swaying and watching him drink and then accepted the bottle back from him.**

"**I envy you, you know," Riley finally said after an uncomfortable silence. "I hate you. I think you're evil and filth and should be killed. But I envy you."**

**Spike blinked in surprise. "Why's that mate? Not the hate part; that I can get and by the way 'ditto'. But the envy?"**

**Riley sat down on one of the stone sarcophagi and waved Spike to sit across from him on the other. With no weapons in sight, the vampire nodded and did as bidden.**

"**I envy you 'cause you've never had her so close to you and still not feel her. You're lucky."**

"**Nah," Spike said, grabbing the bottle for another swallow. "You're the lucky one, mate. You were able to pretend when she was lying in your arms."**

**They passed the bottle back and forth, taking turns swallowing and offering toasts to each other's misery. When the bottle was nearing empty, Riley declined the rest of it, allowing Spike to polish it off.**

"**Xander really likes you, you know."**

**Spike was confused where that had come from and so only sat without comment. **

"**I've tried to tell him you're dangerous. That chip? It's a muzzle; somewhere inside there though, you're still barely more than an animal."**

"**I may be dangerous, but not to Xan. Not to Dawn or Joyce or Willow or Tara. Something you just refused to see since the beginning…this chip is doing more than keeping me from biting. I feel…." Spike left it hanging.**

"**I hope so. I honestly do. Because these people mean a lot to me, and you mean a lot to them." After another brief period of silence in which the two antagonists sized each other up, Riley continued. "You'll never have her, you know. I've seen the way you look at her, but you're never going to be able to…touch her."**

"**Bloke's gotta try, right? She's Buffy."**

**Riley gave him a quick nod and then lurched to his feet. "I'd wish you luck, but I plan on working this out with her. Either we can hash it out or..." Riley shrugged. "But either way, she's not the one you should be looking at."**

**As he crossed back to the sunny outside world, Spike returned to the bed below ground. Crawling under the blanket, he pulled out the battered poetry book from under his pillow. After looking at his purloined photos of Buffy and Xander, he focused on "Broken Dreams", by Keats.**

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**Xander and Anya stood before a tenement building partly collapsed. Around them scurried firemen as they worked to put out the last of the flames. The sky was filled with thin, black and gray smoke and there was the scent of gasoline coming from the charred remains.**

"**You don't think…" Anya started.**

"…**Giles is so not going to be happy," Xander replied miserably. "I need to find her and fast."**

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End Chapter 4


	5. Confrontations

**Falling Apart**

Ch 5 – Confrontations

**Xander was forced to go into work, despite his worry over what the Slayer was doing. Anya offered to keep looking despite the fact that the shop would be losing business and Xander kissed her on the forehead in gratitude. Unfortunately, it'd made no difference. Despite calling Anya repeatedly throughout the day, she hadn't found any signs of where Buffy had gone. **

"**On the positive side," Anya had said, "there's been no more arson."**

**Xander had called Joyce at four, but she didn't know where Buffy was at. He'd tried Willow and Tara both, but they hadn't seen her around campus. When asked what was going on, he'd played coy- unable to reveal what Riley had gotten himself into. In the meantime, he asked them to try her cell phone occasionally and let him know if they heard from her. Naturally, Willow was worried and wanted to cast a locator spell, but Xander convinced her that she may just need some alone time to pull herself together.**

"**Xander, I'm one of her closest friends. What's going on?"**

"**Look, Willow, I'm sure she's going to want to talk to you. Riley's hurt her and I don't want to talk about him behind his back. We'll talk later, okay?"**

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**Buffy had spent the entire afternoon on a one woman mission to kill every vampire in town. In fact, she didn't stop at that; in Willy's she'd only found two pinkish guys with blue horns, but she'd snapped both of their necks before they had time to react. At Willy's terrified expression, she only told him to spread the word. The Slayer was sick of evil invading her life and she was done letting it continue. She'd added that Willy would do good to close up the bar and head out; no place was neutral anymore.**

**Two vampire nests, totaling eleven were also wiped out by her, but she hadn't yet found the faces she'd seen in the brothel. As she scoured parks and tree-lined streets her only thoughts were on the twinge in her gut telling her a demon was near. And even when there was no such indication, she battered down boarded up doors and rampaged through derelict buildings looking for more of the beings that had so radically altered her life since Los Angeles. **

**She had just made a circuit of another abandoned warehouse (and it was amazing she'd never realized how many ready made nest sites there were) when she came upon Riley standing just inside the front doorway. The door was now missing thanks to a Slayer-strength kick.**

"**Are you ready to talk," he asked her.**

"**Talk about what?! Talk about how my boyfriend is a big slut?"**

"**It wasn't sex."**

"**No! It was worse…way worse! Just looking at you makes me want to break something."**

"**I'm sorry, Buffy," Riley nearly pleaded. "It wasn't supposed to get so out of hand."**

"**Out of hand? Out of hand?! What, it was supposed to be a one time suck-off?"**

"**Yeah. I guess. I just wanted to understand."**

"**Understand what? What its like to risk your life? Understand what it feels like to be a cheating son of a bitch? Just what exactly is it you'd like to understand, Riley?"**

"**Why you're so far away from me. Why, when Angel shows up or even his name gets mentioned, there's a light in your eyes that's never been there for me."**

"**Angel, again! How many times am I going to have to defend my relationship with him? It happened, okay! We were involved and I'm sorry that we didn't end up hating each other, but that gives you no right to use him as an excuse to hook up with a vampire skank!"**

"**I know that. You're right and nothing I say is going to make what I did any more okay. There is no justification and I don't need you to forget what I've done. I just need you to listen instead of screaming at me and try to understand. This isn't just about Angel; it's been a long line of things, Buffy. Your hiding Dracula's bite from me; Spike knowing more about where you are and what's happening with your family than I do; Spike!? Spike seems more involved in your life than I am! It's about your shutting me out when your mom was sick and about not telling my why you're so worried about Dawn all of the sudden and about how you always…ALWAYS…push me away when I'm trying to be there for you."**

"**Don't you try to pin this on me! It's not my fault you're so insecure about my past relationships or my Slayer strength. And don't bother trying to tell me any different, Riley. You've been jealous and afraid of me being stronger than you almost since you found out who I was. Oh, sure, you were all prepared to be proud of me when you could hold your own, but as soon as you had to give back the technology that gave you your strength, you started punishing me for being stronger. Well, I'm sorry, but I am stronger than you. I'm a better fighter than you. I was Chosen to be this way and if you can't be man enough to deal then don't try shoveling the blame my way!"**

**Buffy pushed past him and headed for the exit. Riley stood still in the emptiness, listening to her footfalls echo. Before she could storm out, he stopped her short.**

"**I'm leaving," he said. "Graham's offered me a position in the military and if there's no hope for us working this out, of you working toward forgiving me, then I'm out of here tonight. I'm sorry that I can't give you more notice. I know that you can't just flip on a dime and all is well. But, they're leaving from the base at midnight and they need my answer by then. I need to know that there's hope that we can fight this out and come out stronger on the other end. Just give me that little, Buffy. Tell me that staying won't be a complete waste of time."**

**She almost glanced back at him. Almost; and then she straightened her back and continued to march out into the waning sunlight.**

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**Buffy wandered down an alleyway letting the darkness of night wash over her. She thought about Riley; everything he'd said, the things he had done and the fact he was going to leave. She was trying to determine whether she could really stand having him here anymore. Given time and a lot of work, could she really forgive him? She'd forgiven Angel for so many things, but that had been easier. For her, the line between Angelus and Angel was night and day, but she knew it hadn't been that easy for Xander or especially for Giles and yet they'd managed it.**

**The crux of the problem was that she was still so angry and she needed time to work through that on her own, without this deadline. It was so unfair for him to not only betray her, but then to dump on her that she had to make up her mind whether she wanted to work things out or not all in the span of a few hours.**

**As she rounded a corner, surrounded by brick wall, her gut began to twinge. _Of course,_ she thought bitterly, _because God forbid the Slayer can just think in peace._**

**Spinning around, she found herself face to face with the very faces she had been seeking all day. Eight women took up the narrow space of the alleyway. In front of them stood a sneering man, the pimp by the way he was dressed, and two muscle bound jocks. All of them were wearing the vampire's features. One of them was the girl from high school who had fed off of Riley. She glanced quickly through them looking for Harmony, but the old Cordette hadn't made an appearance.**

**As the vampires stopped, they confidently smirked at her as she removed her coat. From her lower back, she pulled out two stakes from her pant's waistband. She gave them the once over and despite the fact that they clearly had numbers on their side, she had no fear, only a burning desire for revenge. Strangely, she held no malice for the women, despite their demonic appearance. Her focus was entirely on the pimp of the group.**

"**I hear you've been making a real mess today, missy," he said to her lisping in a Texan drawl.**

"**The rest of you are free to go on your way," Buffy said as she eyed each of them in turn. When she'd focused back on Tex, she added, "But your ass is mine."**

"**Temper, temper. Not my fault you can't keep your man happy. Sandy here though, she's kept his, oh, let's say his 'spirits' up." That received appreciative laughs from the muscle brothers, though the prostitutes themselves were a varied group. Some were looking decidedly confident that they were about to put the smack down on their great enemy, while others, including Sandy appeared far more doubtful.**

**Buffy turned her attention to Sandy the boyfriend-layer and gave her a hard grin. "You can thank pimp-daddy for taking you off the 'you're free to leave' list, by reminding me just how pissed off I am at you." **

"**Well, enough jawing," Tex said giving one of the muscles a small push. "Boys, if you please…."**

**As the two enforcers rushed, the girls also crowded forward. The pimp, of course, held back but urged his gang to 'tear her apart, I want to see blood painting the walls!'**

**Three punches later and one enforcer was drifting in the wind, taking a stake with him. The other managed to punch her hard enough to knock her down, but she quickly swept out with her feet, knocking him down. **

**As she attempted to get back to her feet, the whores surrounded and grabbed at her, but she swung her remaining stake in quick and vicious stabs that dusted three of them before the rest backed off. Buffy flipped up to her feet, glad that she'd been able to retain the stake rather than losing it like she had the first.**

**The Texan Pimp hissed angrily to gut her and she saw the remaining enforcer and one of the girls pull out knives. Taking in everything, she ran toward the side of the alley and used her momentum to kick of the wall. Striking the enforcer, he was sent flying against the opposite wall and to the ground. At the same time the bladed sister tried to knife her in the back, but she quickly jabbed behind her, hitting the heart with pinpoint accuracy. It was one of the many drills that Giles had had her run through over and over until she was ready to scream. It was a good thing he'd never let her slack off.**

**Going into a flurry of motion, she hit and struck out with her stake not even really telling how much damage she was doing. A quick jumping flip over two women's shoulders brought her to a crate which she smashed with her feet. At the same time, she spun with a wicked throw of her remaining stake, catching the enforcer in the heart and sending him to Ashesville. Bending and grabbing splintered wood, she straightened into a defensive posture and took note of her situation.**

**Pimp was backing away, terror on his face while at the same time screaming that if 'you ho's don't take her out, I'll take you out!' The prostitutes, three remaining including Sandy looked torn between fear of the Slayer and fear of their 'master'.**

**With a primal scream, two of the ladies rushed her and were quickly dispatched. At the same time Pimp turned to run, but found himself speared through the back by a jagged piece of crate thrown with Slayer strength and accuracy.**

**As the dust settled, Buffy gazed on Sandy, the 'other woman'. She was doe-eyed and had morphed to her human face. She stood trembling in fear before Buffy, tears misting her eyes. Looking desperately toward the way they'd all come, Buffy could see her calculating her chances of making it out of the alley by running. Realization showed clearly on her face and Buffy wanted to feel sympathy and maybe even mercy, but she only felt cold.**

"**I-I wasn't going to hurt him," Sandy whispered. "I'm sorry, I…I just liked him and was lonely."**

**Looking her over, it was obvious that the vampire was underfed and she could believe that Sandy probably hadn't killed anyone in a while. She tried to picture her as the girl she was, maybe lost in L.A. and turning tricks because it was the only way to get by. Buffy had seen a lot of those poor, lost kids while she was staying there.**

"**Go. Leave town."**

**Sandy took a double-take, her face showing wary hope. And then she was running down the alley. And Buffy almost let her go. "Of course, you're not really just a girl."**

**The projectile, another jagged piece of crate that was in no way aerodynamic struck true despite all that. One moment the demon was running toward a future, the next her particles were drifting to the dirty floor of a dingy alley.**

"**Thanks for the help," Buffy said facetiously.**

**Xander Harris came from behind a garbage bin, his own stake held loosely to his side. "You seemed to need to work a few things out by yourself."**

"**What are you doing here, Xander?"**

"**Three guesses and the first two don't count. I'm tracking you down. I've been looking for you all evening. Have you even bothered checking your messages?"**

"**I've been busy."**

"**So I noticed. Since when did arson become a Slayer tactic?"**

"**The place was a vampire nest. I just made sure it wasn't re-usable."**

"**Oh, good, then," Xander said sarcastically. "Because I was getting the idea that you were enraged and out of control. I'm sure that the fire department and the men's lives you risked will understand though. 'I was upset at my boyfriend' should make it all better."**

"**I don't have to take this from you. You have no idea what Riley did!"**

"**I do know. Unlike some of us around here, Riley actually talks to his friends rather than burning buildings down."**

**Buffy glared at him for a moment and then deflated. "Was anyone hurt? At the fire?"**

"**I don't think so. They seemed to get it under control. Of course, their going to be looking for the firebug; I hope no one saw you pulling you're 'Firestarter' act."**

"**You're right, Xander. I was angry and maybe a bit out of control. I shouldn't have taken gasoline to the place, but I've just had it up to here with vampires. I wanted to send a message. I can't believe Riley…. I am so pissed off, right now!"**

"**Buffy, I'm not trying to excuse what Riley did. Okay? I'm completely on your side about the whole 'come bite me, 'cause I'm depressed' thing. But, you should be talking to him. There are reasons why he did what he did."**

"**I know his reasons! That doesn't excuse anything!"**

"**I'm not excusing. I'm not even forgiving and forgetting. I'm just understanding."**

"**Understanding what! I don't understand what this is all about, Xander. He just keeps mentioning Angel over and over as if I'm sneaking up to L.A. and screwing him."**

"**He knows that's not the case," Xander sighed. "But Buffy, look me in the eyes and tell me that Angel isn't still very much in your heart."**

"**Of course he's in my heart. I care about Angel a lot. I always will, but Riley is my man now. Or he was before this."**

"**Maybe you should have let him know that."**

"**I have," Buffy cried in frustration. "I don't know how many more times I can repeat the same thing. I loved him. I maybe still do, although right now I want to strangle him. But I can't pretend that Angel never existed or flinch every time his name crops up. And now, the idiot is running off to join the 'New Initiative' or whatever the hell their calling themselves and I'm just supposed to tell him that everything will be okay so he doesn't go? What kind of crap is that?"**

"**Riley's leaving? Since when…uh, when is he going?"**

"**There's a transport out at midnight, tonight. I guess Graham asked him to go," Buffy said dejectedly.**

"**And you're just letting him?"**

"**What am I supposed to do about it? He's the one throwing around ultimatums."**

"**Buffy, look at me. I mean, really listen to what I'm saying here. I love you. You know that. And I'll support you through whatever you decide to do or not do, but can you look me in the eyes and tell me honestly that you've been there for Riley in the past several months. That you've opened up to him?"**

"**I have given him everything, Xander! My heart, my body…what more does he want?!"**

"**Maybe he wants you to come to him when you're sad or worried or upset. This is me, Buffy. I've seen you and him together. And I saw you and Angel. When was the last time you leaned on his shoulder? When your mom was sick, did you ever once consider sharing your fear with him? Or was he just a convenient babysitter for Dawn?"**

"**How can you say that to me?" Buffy was stuck between outraged and shock and it showed.**

"**Because, I can't imagine the day when you'd have turned away from Angel to handle everything yourself. Face facts Buffy, ever since he left you've been closed off. Willow and me: we can handle it, we've seen you like this before. But we're not the ones that you're supposed to be in love with. I've heard you tell Riley you love him and in the same two seconds completely act like he wasn't in the room."**

"**That's not fair! I've been there for him through all of his mental breakdowns and his chips and his bio-chemical withdrawal. All of it, and I was there to help him."**

"**Sure. Because that's what the Slayer does, right? She helps people who need it. When was the last time you two really, honestly, no secrets unrevealed spoke? Hell, I had to tell him about how Angel turned bad! I figured you would have mentioned it to him! And you've been holding out on him ever since. You're acting like he's the rebound guy, Buffy, when it's clear to anyone with eyes that he is absolutely, head over heels, out of his mind, in love with you."**

**Buffy switched from foot to foot; uncomfortable with the things Xander was pointing out. Defensively she brought up Anya in a desperate attempt to switch the topic.**

"**Well, what about you and Anya?! Yeah, that's right, I got an earful. You haven't exactly been Mr. Available either! When was the last time you decided to sit down and "honestly, no secrets revealed" spoke? You're so good pointing out everyone else's problems! How about looking in the mirror?"**

**Xander stood silently for a moment until he felt his anger subside. "You know what? You want to stand here and insult me all night, fine. But in the meantime, Riley is reporting for duty and if he thinks there's nothing here for him, he'll never be back. Are you really going to let that happen because right now you're pissed off? Take a breath, Buff, and really think about what it is you're about to lose."**

**And she did. Xander could see it in her face as she came to the realization that if Riley got on that chopper, there'd be no chance to work anything out. It'd be a done deal.**

"**Xander?"**

"**I'm armed. Go. Run."**

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End Chapter 05


	6. Uncoupling

**Falling Apart**

Ch 6 – Uncoupling

**Buffy ran through Sunnydale until she arrived home. Slamming into the house, she yelled for her mother. As Joyce descended the stairway to the second floor, a panicked look on her face, she babbled out that Riley was leaving town. She had to stop him; she had to get to the base and tell him that she was sorry about where they'd ended up. She had to apologize for shutting him out.**

**Joyce took this in and translated Buffy's breathless babble into an understandable jargon. Rushing to her purse, she grabbed the keys to the Jeep and placed them in Buffy's hand with an admonition to be careful on the roads.**

**A twenty minute drive later and she was squealing to a stop outside of the Sunnydale army base, causing some consternation at the guard tower. Riley had just happened to have gotten there himself and dropped his bags when he saw her breathing heavy jump from the jeep. As they walked toward each other, neither knew what to say.**

"**Riley," Buffy started and then threw herself into his arms, holding him tightly. He returned the embrace and when he lowered her they stared at each other for several long seconds, waiting for the other to start.**

"**I'm sorry, Riley. I'm sorry for every time I ignored you or pushed you away or clammed up when you were trying to find out what was bothering me. I'm sorry I closed myself off after Angel and that I thought I'd dealt with it when I obviously haven't. As Xander pointed out, by the way. You should have told him you were leaving. He was surprised when I told him."**

"**It's all been sudden. I just didn't find time today to talk to him. Tell him I'm sorry, alright?"**

"**I do love you, Riley."**

"**I know. But I can't just be a part-time boyfriend when it's convenient for me to be there, Buffy. I don't know how to do that."**

"**I understand. Really, and I wish I was different. I wish I was ready to unconditionally open up to you," Buffy shrugged. "I can't, at least not yet. There's been too many things that have happened; not just you and I but as the Slayer. I know some part of me has grown hard and I'm trying to open up my heart more, but I'm not there yet. I'm sorry that you had to suffer for it. I don't want to say good-bye to us though. Not when I love you, and I do."**

"**I've made mistakes, too. The vampires…that was just the most obvious and the ugliest. The truth is that I have had problems with you being stronger, faster, and more equipped to fight demons than I am. I hate that I'm so…threatened? But I am, and I feel like I've lost track of who I am and everything I can still do. I can't stay, Buffy. Not right now."**

**She nodded sadly, "I think we both have done a lousy job of being a couple instead of just two people sleeping together."**

**They embraced again and just held each other in the still air. After a few moments, Riley pulled away, but didn't let go of her hand yet.**

"**I'm only going to be gone a year. I'd like to come back and see how things are then. Will you be here waiting when I get back?"**

**Buffy leaned up into his large frame and kissed him. Trying to put all of her regrets and her love and hope into her lips, she kissed as deeply as she knew how.**

"**Maybe," she said, "we can make it work, then. Maybe, I'll really be ready finally."**

**Riley pulled away with a sad smile, but then he brightened as he began to walk away. "You know what? You're still one hell of a woman."**

**Buffy watched as Riley passed the entryway onto the base and grabbed up his bags. She watched as he walked away, holding up a hand to wave good bye, but not turning to see her. And she watched until his large form dwindled into the dark shadows of the base's outbuildings. Only then did she get back into her mother's Jeep and with tears in her eyes start the drive home.**

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**Anya turned over in bed as she heard tinkling coming from elsewhere in the apartment. She listened to the darkness for a moment and heard a glass being set down on a table. Glancing at the clock, she was surprised to find it was after one. Rather late for Xander to be up considering he had work to do in the morning.**

**She sighed as she considered getting out of bed. Things between them had been so distant for so long, that she wasn't sure what the point of asking him to come to bed would be. On the other hand, why put off tomorrow what you could argue over tonight. She got up. Placing a robe on, she opened the bedroom door and wandered out into a weak light coming from over the oven.**

**Xander sat with a shot glass before him and a bottle of Spiced Rum. As she made her way to the dining room table, she watched him pour a full shot and swallow it down with a grimace and hiss.**

**She sat down across from him and met his bleary eyes. He looked resigned and saddened and she thought, '_So, it's finally come. I wonder what the excuse will be?'_**

"**What is it, Xander? Why haven't you come to bed," she asked, expecting the answer, but not wanting to accept it.**

"**Things aren't good with us, Ahn. And it's my fault. Or Toth's, maybe."**

"**Is there somebody else," and she tried, she really tried not to let anger cloud her voice.**

"**I've never cheated on you. I wouldn't do that. I love you…but…."**

"**You want to break up with me," Anya said. Her voice was dull and Xander took a quick glance before returning his glare to the table. He took another shot.**

"**I'm not in love with you. I think…I think I was. I feel like I was, but things are different now. I'm different now and feelings have changed."**

**Anya got up and went into the kitchen. After less than a minute she was back at the table, but Xander didn't look up. Instead he braced himself for a frying pan to the head or possibly a knife slashing through his vulnerable skin. If she was still a Vengeance demon, he'd probably be flayed or boiling in hot oil by now. Instead Anya simply sat down and a quick glance revealed all she had in her hand was another shot glass.**

**He raised his head and met her eyes. She was teary, as you'd expect. But he didn't see the rage or betrayal he'd so expected. Hell, he wanted to see rage; it was what he deserved for being such a bastard. Instead she simply curled her fingers of one hand, giving a slight wave at the bottle.**

**He obliged her, pushing it across the table and waited for her to down a shot. She drank like a sailor and didn't even sputter as the rum went down her gullet in a smooth swallow.**

"**Is it Spike?"**

"**Yes."**

"**I thought so. I even asked him about it," Anya admitted and confused him.**

"**What? Why? And, uh, when was this?"**

"**We were waiting for you to recover. Buffy was out hunting Dracula and Spike and I stayed to make sure you were safe for the night. I- (she sniffed)- I asked him if he loved you and he said no. He said he was fond of you, but wasn't looking to shag you. I don't know why I didn't quite believe him."**

"**He doesn't want to shag me, Anya. He doesn't love me. I don't know why I want him. Well, I do, but it's too complicated to go into. I'm not expecting anything, but it's not fair to you. For me to be pining away after a doomed affair with an oblivious vampire, while you're giving your heart to me. It's cruel. I'm a cruel, selfish prick. Like father, like son I guess," he grunted.**

**They sat in silence as Anya downed two, four, a fifth more shot of rum. "You're not your father, Xander. I was acquainted with him, you know. I'm surprised that you're mother never wished a little vengeance on him. She was a lot more forgiving than I would have been."**

"**If you want to whammy me, it's okay. You deserve a little revenge, if anyone does. I mean, I know you don't have your demon powers, but you must still have friends. Or there's always magic…a hex or something. Anyway, I'd get it if you wanted to make me suffer."**

"**I don't. Which is strange, because you'd think under the circumstances, I'd be getting some extra bloody vengeance right about now. But, I don't want to see you hurt. You're too good of a man to ever want to break anyone's heart, Xander Harris. I don't know why Spike is different from all of the other men you've known, or why you suddenly feel like being gay, but I think I've known this was coming for a while. I just didn't listen to myself. I thought it had been so long since I've been human, that I was confusing myself. I just wish it didn't hurt so much," she said as tears fell down her face.**

"**Are you going to tell Spike?"**

"**No, of course not. But you should."**

"**Yeah, right. That's a plan."**

**Anya sighed and gulped down another shot. "I guess I'll call Ms. Milner in the morning and hope that my old room is available."**

"**I rather you'd stay," Xander surprised her. "I know you can't afford this place on your own. Although with your stocks, it shouldn't be too long," he tried to joke. "But in the meantime, I'll move into the spare room."**

"**Xander, that room is so small. And there's no window! You like the fresh air."**

"**I'll only be in there to sleep, Ahn. It'll be okay. I'll move the computer stuff out here onto the kitchen counter. All I need is a bed and a set of dresser drawers."**

"**Do you really think we can make this work? Us, being in the same apartment but not being together?"**

"**If we want it to," Xander replied sleepily. "I still care a great deal about you, baby. If I could stop feeling what I'm feeling, I would. I wish that…."**

**Anya interrupted him; "…Xander! The wish rule! No wishing in Sunnydale…or really, anywhere."**

"**I was just going to say that if only one Xander could have made it out after Toth, it should have been Commando." Hyena's mental hackles were raised at that, but he was drunk so he could ignore the bitch. **

"**He would have treasured you like I should. He'd have been what you deserved to have. I'm so sorry, Anya," Xander wept while yawning.**

"**Tomorrow is going to be hard. But right now, I just want to go to sleep," Anya said as she got up and went back to the bedroom.**

**As she listened to Xander fold out the couch and get linens from the spare room, she cried into her pillow. She couldn't believe it could hurt this much, while at the same time not wanting to inflict pain. She wondered as she thought of all of her future plans dying, if maybe she at least wasn't growing a little.**

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End Chapter 06

**Spanderverse Series**:

_BTVS seasons 1-4, excluding Restless._

Spanderverse: To Dream

Spanderverse: After 314

Spanderverse: Spike

Spanderverse: Dracula

Spanderverse: Burial

BTVS: Real Me

Spanderverse: Confusion of Three

Preludes

Tensions

Old Friends

Hospital Visits

The Risks of Glory

Hunting Our Needs

The Family We Choose

Falling Apart


End file.
